nut hugger
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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