i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
