I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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