So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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