you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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