so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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