I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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