My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
