my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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