No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's get the cat blown out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
