why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
