there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
