I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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