Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!