I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.