Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
