People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
