Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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