im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
