MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
