i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
