Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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