I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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