she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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