I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
