he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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