He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
