I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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