kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
