im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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