Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
