So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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