The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
