Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
