the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize