a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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