fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
