Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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