last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
