If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
