we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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