you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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