She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
