God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
