Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
