Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
