my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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