dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
