She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
