I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
