Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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