i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
