he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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