That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
