Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
