Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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