You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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