well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
