I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
