Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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