Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
