he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
