you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
