these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
