I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
