Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
