It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
