My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
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If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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