I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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