Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
