apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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