I CAN MOONWALK!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
